


Reflection

by Remasa



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25669660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remasa/pseuds/Remasa
Summary: Gaius Baelsar finds himself staring at his reflection in a lake one evening. He's not certain he likes what he sees.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Reflection

After the many years of unrelenting heat in Ala Mhigo, Gaius Baelsar thought he would have gotten used to the weather in Eorzea. Yet even now, in the fading light of day, he struggled to breathe in the thick, muggy air. Sitting silently beside a small lake barely more than a pond, he thought the water would offer a small reprieve from the warmth for a few moments. His two companions bustled around behind him, far enough away that the still air muffled the sounds.

Though he had long since shed his overcoat, beads of sweat trickled down his temples and soaked the nape of his neck. He ignored it all, lost in his thoughts as he gazed out into the lake at his own mirror image. It stared back at him, reflected by the water smooth as glass – for not even the slightest breeze distorted the face peering back at him.

He wasn't surprised, or astonished, or even proud of what faced him in those waters. Pale golden eyes, once full of bright determination, now dull with weary resignation. A face full of harsh angles and deep lines of exhaustion framed them. His brief meeting with Raubahn, a man he considered his equal, brought to his attention those stark differences between them. While Raubahn also bore the scars and other physical markers of a harsh life, Gaius also spotted the telltale signs of joy in Raubahn's face. Smile lines around the general's eyes and mouth. The way his face relaxed and he beamed a warm smile at the Warrior of Light when they arrived. Shared happiness, despite all the pain between them.

When was the last time Gaius could say he smiled?

Certainly not in the months after his failure at the Praetorium. Smiles were useless when hunting those who crept among the shadows and wielded fate with their false belief of superiority. Certainly not after the Calamity, when Bahamut's primal incarnation raged through Carteneau Flats, razing Eorzean and Garlean alike, indiscriminate in his fury. He _had_ warned the nations about the possible danger, but could he have done more to prevent that? He almost laughed at the memory. The three nations of Eorzea – fresh in their fledgling unity – banding together for the first time in decades to fight against a common foe.

It was like watching a child take their first steps – wobbly and uncertain and doomed to fall backwards. He remembered the pity he had felt for them, never once believing their flimsy Alliance would hold together through any lasting strife. Oh, the frustration he felt back then. Why couldn't they just yield to Garlemald? He would ensure they were protected from any other primals that the beast tribes summoned. There would be no need for false deities. No Twelve. No Hydaelyn. No Echo.

No Warriors of Light.

He paused on that last thought. What if he had succeeded in his previous agenda? Killed the Warrior of Light and their companions?

Rubbing the edges of the bandages on his arms almost on instinct, he considered what he now knew about Emperor Solus, a man he had revered and devoted his entire life to serving.

A man whose race he now hunted for the remainder of his own.

Yet in Solus' eyes, Gaius was a mere plaything; a toy to pass the eons of time. The memory of one specific foray into Eorzea surfaced. Solus had ordered the invasion of the nation by way of Lake Silvertear using their newest flagship to lead the charge. A brilliant display of the power Garlemald wrought. Enough to make any man tremble before their might.

All decimated when the ancient wyrm Midgardsormr rose from the depths of the waters and sank both the _Agrius_ and Gaius' favor within the Empire. The first crack in the foundation of his legacy. And it was all a step in the Ascian's machinations. Had Gaius succeeded, Eorzea would be part of the Empire. Since he failed, the destruction wrought that day shattered the seal the wyrm had guarded. Aether flooded into the realm, allowing oppressed beast tribes to summon their eikons. Those pale facsimiles of their gods that drained the land and left behind sterile regions bereft of all life. Did Solus know what would happen when he sailed across that lake that fateful day?

Gaius scoffed. Of course he did. An Ascian to his very core, Solus would have ensured his plans furthered his own goal no matter the outcome. What was the sacrifice of one bright military legatus in the larger scheme? Gaius knew he had been doomed the moment he had risen to prominence and caught Solus' eye.

Damned if he had and damned if he hadn't.

He closed his eyes as the possibilities overwhelmed him. Not for the first time, either. He spent many moments cursing his younger self, cursing the Ascians who manipulated and schemed, and cursing his own cowardice even still. His fear to admit what he knew deep down: it was _his_ actions that contributed to this. He couldn't keep blaming the Ascians for everything. It was time to accept responsibility for his hand in the wheels of his fate. He would right the wrongs he had sown until his last breath. Maybe then, he could earn a warm smile from the Warrior of Light.

Maybe then he could even allow himself to smile back.

A breeze started to blow across the lake. As it reached him, it rippled the water, distorting the reflection so that it was unrecognizable. Gaius grabbed his cloak with one hand and stood. He stared out over the water for a moment, allowing the cool air to ruffle his hair and bring a moment of respite from the heat.

Perhaps the next time he looked at his own reflection, he would actually like the image staring back at him.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a Discord server challenge, "reflection", I thought to delve into this man's mind a bit. Special thank you to [PerditaAlottachocolate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerditaAlottachocolate) for beta-reading!


End file.
